So ...

So I have begun packing... just little things, the little things in my apartment that make it so *me*. Im really going to miss my little place.I feel like I must see this as mind over matter. Or rather mind over heart. I KNOW what is best for me, I know what I have to do, I have to take this opportunity and run with it. I've always been an overly emotional person-- not so much in the melt-down-my-world-is-caving-in-why-me type way. But rather every emotion I feel is put through the ringer in my mind. My insomnia is the direct result of not being able to shut those hamster wheels down. They just keep on turning!I have feelings for Seth & I wish I didn't. It's going to make this move a lot more difficult. He has been so good to me these past 3 months.. and I have been one tumultuous cluster fuck after another... and yet he cares so deeply. He feels like his life has grown so stagnant and he wants more. I guess deep down in my own self-centered way, I would love for him to move down south with me. We balance each other so well. His overly anal, meticulous, methodical thought process... and my willy nilly, absent minded, chipped finger nail polish, cluttered apartment eccentric artist self. That boy's gonna miss me. :)...and I him.*sigh*

Absolutel...

Absolutely unreal. Im leaving. Moving. To never return. Im in denial. And I can't stop fucking eating. It's like my gift to myself. This is a stressful time right?? *munch munch munch*It's disgusting the way I go to the grocery store- choosing what I want to devour. I choose a box of cereal and wonder to myself which will be best tasting still after the 4th bowl. I ate a whole fucking box yesterday. And a whole bag of chips & salsa. Then all today I cringe & grab at my thighs, how uncomfortable they feel rubbing & rubbing... And now its cold out and I cant fit into any of my jeans... even the ones I put away when I was so thin, the ones that hung off my ass like a saggy sack. Now they dont even button.Fuck me.